in munich Oct. 21-26 for biotech conference. leave an e-mail and i will respond when i find the nearest web cafe out there! see ya'll next week.

writer's block at 6:46am. ive been up all night again, stuffing my face with sugary snacks and caffeine. my assignment is to evaluate whether a drug should be approved or not for use, given a set of clinical trial data... anything related to pharmacopolitics and policy is always my weak spot - dont know shit about pharma.

in 36 hours ill be on a plane to munich. before then, i have to get through the following obstacle course:

1. finish this paper
2. do finance homework (which he hasnt handed out yet)
3. 4 hour nap
4. study for regulatory affairs midterm
5. study for clinical pharmacology quiz
6. go to class on friday and take the tests, turn in homeworks etc.
7. pack for munich
8. drive to LAX
9. hope on that plane and pass the fuck out

its been a loooooooooong week.


i think american society places more of an emphasis on communication than other countries. we are an extroverted nation. communication is so key. pride, class, respect - the type of unsaid rules that hold open communication back in older nations - dont exist here. the new world is where all of that was broken down, restructured, left behind, omitted, or escaped from on purpose since the first settlers. our strong focus on laws and intellectual property reflects this. i see laws and patents as beacons of communication between entities and individuals, a setting of boundaries and expectations.

i think this is why small asian businesses suffer in the states. asian cultures, with their indirect form of communication - it doesnt fly here. laws and enforcement, it doesnt work like that back in my home country. its all about guan xi, relationships - something more organic and heartfelt than cold unyielding american legislation. just another example of how confucianism has made the asian american experience that much harder, more on how confucianism is the root cause of east vs. west culture clash later - its a whole entry by itself.

and with that, i feel like i should be out there defending asian americans like my parents. the small businesses that get discriminated against by tall blond haired blue eyed genetically superior aryans from orange county who think they can take advantage of passive asians who only speak broken engrish. fuckers. it angers me, there are some of us who speak - and yes this is personal. my parents have gone through so many instances of racism while doing business in the states. they will never fully understand this country - but i believe im in a position to understand both cultures. i have been leaning towards law school sometime in the future to help asians stand up to this cultural bigotry.

procrastination carves my soul out. yet here i am again - hopefully ill finish by 5am latest and get in a couple hours. its a long week of prep before i head out to munich friday. i have to complete next week's homework before i leave, and given my track record for being time management impaired - its gonna suck.

i want to try and bring back some substance to this blog. so i wanted to do a few entries on my immediate family. let me start with a story my dad told me over dinner tonight.

[translated from mandarin]
"i wasnt like your mom you know. we grew up dirt poor, for fun we stole squashes from the local farm, rode cows, and played alot of pool. and while she was at the best high school in taiwan, i was screwing around in a shitty ass public school. not only was i in the shittiest school in the district, i was in the shittiest class in my grade level. in my high school, there were 7 classes. the first 3 classes had the most dedicated teachers who were prepping all of the students for the statewide college entry tests - they were all set to go to college. the college acceptance rates in those classes were above 90%. the teachers worked hard, and consequently the students worked hard too.

but the other four classes were the loser classes. they were full of bum students who smoked cigarettes all day and played cards in class. none of us payed attention. the teachers didnt care either - they had no hope for us. one time i asked my teacher what i should do for my career, he told me when i graduated i should just go home and help my parents out. your grandpa was a soldier in the army. we didnt have a family business or anything. we didnt have any money either. your grandma told me 'im sorry we dont have any money to pay for college, its up to you if you want to go or not.' my teacher told me the same, if i wanted to study for the statewide college entry exams i was on my own - unlike the top classes that got assistance from the school and the teachers.

the worst part was that i hated studying. thats how i ended up in the shitty class to begin with. i never studied, one of my friends always came by my window through the back alley to get me to play basketball and i loved playing basketball. the books went untouched. 3 months before the entry exams i contemplated whether i should go to college. i stacked all my books in a vertical pile and couldnt peer over it because it was so tall. i counted if i studied one book a day, it would take me over 6 months to get through all of the material. so i started cutting stuff out. i hated math and science so i took it out completely. i loved history and literature so i kept those in. the stack got smaller and it seemed doable in 3 months.

i started studying. my friend came by once in awhile to get me to play ball, but i told him i only had 3 months to go before the exams. after awhile he stopped coming by to invite me. the day of the test i was nervous as hell. for the math section it was multiple choice, and since i didnt study - i rolled my pencil to see which answer i should pick. the pencil had 5 sides... which corresponded to the 5 multiple choices. amazingly that got me 20%! it mustve been the 1 in 5 probability. but i aced the humanities sections. i got higher scores than your mom and she went to the #1 high school in taiwan. shes still pissed at me about that. i really scraped by. i got into the lowest ranking university in taiwan. and within that university, i got into the lowest ranking major - language studies. my first year i took alot of courses in korean and japanese.

only two people in my high school class ended up going to college. one of them was me."

procrastination must be genetic for me.

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