w00t! undergraduate research from 3 years ago finally pays off! i got published biatch! check it, im on pubmed:


in class. i am so bored, that a second ago i was concentrating REALLY hard on my laptop cord to see if i could throw it across the room telekinetically.

it didnt work.


when the going gets tough, the tough... browse blogs?

when things get hectic, i usually throw on some coldplay and it calms me down for some reason. i also fidget around on the computer and the TV to get my mind off things.

today i had a pretty long day, and miles to go before i sleep. i was browsing blogs and saw my buddy's lil bro (alex) who is currently out in iraq doing his first tour as a marine. immediately i felt ashamed for being the least bit stressed out and my myopia. what i deal with on a daily basis must be nothing compared to what he has to face. we are all proud that he is out there. and it gives me strength to know that if alex can be out at war, i surely have the capabilities to do what i have to do at home. the little things mean nothing in the grand scheme of the world. and the world means nothing in the grand scheme of the universe.

im glad i learned something today.


my internal struggle continues.

as i read my marketing book, ive realized how much ive changed in grad school. with each step ive taken into the business world, ive felt a piece of myself dying. ive learned how to plan, plot, strategize... analyze intentions, calculate, feign, fake, position. none of this comes naturally to me. it is akin, although not equatable, to harnessing an inductee's "killer instinct" in marine boot camp.

i have concluded that to be the best businessman you can be, you must develop a similar killer instinct. sharp enough to cut. maximize it. am i losing myself in the process? i used to be able to convince myself that i can hold on, but today is one of my times of doubt. i wish the adult world was not so complicated, that we could approach every human interaction with the type of honesty you share with your significant other or best friend. but its not that simple anymore.

money and competition bring out the worst in people. it breeds fear and envy, greed and jealousy, distrust and fragmentation. unity is undermined, vices emerge.

in times like these, i wonder if my mother knew. if this was why she attempted to instill overly pragmatic principles in her two sons, such as how money buys happiness, how to judge a book by its cover, how to bury passion, and how to view love as a transaction. it didnt work. my brother and i rejected all four and more. we are more like my father and john lennon. dreamers. however these themes seem to haunt me more often in the last two years than when i was 16. and i wonder where the future will carry me and my humanity.

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